Moving the Covenstead, Saying Goodbye, Voting and Samhein

So my lovely core Family Coven is in the process of moving the Covenstead. I have already done some serious packing and we sign papers today. Then we take the boy to trick or treat with his friends. He has a scary costume and seems genuinely into trick or treating this year. I hate and love moving. The packing, the washing, the organizing, ahh it is like sweet candy to me. The aching arms, aching legs and aching backs are like aching to me. LOL

This move is especially sad as we are giving up our familiars in lue of our son's health who has been diagnosed with allergy to cats. Evidently are beloveds are giving my son asthma. They are being put into the Familiar Protection Program where witch's cats are given new identities and sent to good homes to live out their magical days with a family who has promised to protect them from magical harm or use against the magical family they have come from. All I can say is that one of our cats will become a mouser for a family over run by unruly chipmunks and the other will find her days filled with quiet meditation.

It is truly sad. I slept with one of them last night and yesterday Tony was all man when he hugged and petted one of our girls and declared how badly he was going to miss her. It is a daily depressing reality that my Family Coven is currently living with.

On a completely different subject – go vote. Please vote for the man whose service has been to those in Detroit who needed help and for the man who has the opportunity to completely change the way that the United States is viewed by both our allies and enemies abroad. These days call for peace. Let us seek it.

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/index.html?nid=J7GhiCeZ.0znJPizn55jEDY5NjYzNDA-&id=

Samhein day is here and I have no jack-o-lanterns carved, I feel like such a busy witch. I am going to try to get them done before I go to sign the papers on the new place. Tonight it is a quiet celebration. We can't wait.

    I haven't posted in sometime largely because I was meeting the deadline with Llewellyn. We should hear soon about a publication date and I can't wait to share it with you.

    I have been crocheting up a storm as I watch football and with hockey starting soon, I will have even more excuses to crochet. I have made a beautiful Irish scarf (muffler), a baby's cardigan sweater and matching hat, a baby's hat and matching car seat blanket, booties and hats for the local NICU and scarves for the Special Olympics. Currently I am conquering the art of making socks. Which doesn't sound like it would be a big deal; however, I have found it extremely testing.

    I started attending a Crochet Club and have taken great comfort in the knowledge that socks are difficult for more than just me. It seems socks and gloves are both difficult propositions for most crocheters who are self taught. So I feel good about that. I am happy about them getting us involved in giving back to the community. The NICU was such a great idea and I am hoping to get a few of them to whip up some scarves for the Special Olympics.

    I have also had some quality time with Tree Bear and Stone and enjoyed that immensely. We are moving very soon and so things are about to get really hectic. Tree Bear is doing well in school and has made some good friends this year. I love his teachers and we have had a great working relationship!

    The Fall air is coming in and I love it. The stifling summer heat is abating and with that crisp air a good friend has returned into my life. My family couldn't be more pleased! She has had a child and we are so excited to have her return to her spiritual family.

    I got a phone call from London. A first for me, my good friend Suz is over there on vacation and was picking up gifts for everyone. She was very excited and wanted Stone's shirt size. She said she has had a blast and that people in Paris are mean to Americans.

    My familiars' are going to live with another Family Covener. Tree Bear's allergies are terrible and it has been a difficult decision to make. However, a trusted Family Covener has agreed to take them in so they stay "in the family" so to speak and she gets a great mouser. We have been showering extra love and attention on them and hope to ease our loss by finding a house to live in with a fenced in yard to keep a dog in – which Tree Bear is not allergic to. We are also looking for hard wood flooring and will be steam cleaning everything as it leaves the house.
Tree Bear can't live a life with a permanent sinus infection. It is still sad though.

I am also working on my Tour for 2009. If you are interested in having me attend your event, please email me at lydia@lydiacrabtree.com.

    That catches you up on this end. I have started on my next book already. I am hopeful to finish this one in a shorter turnaround time now that I have some perspective of what publishers want. My love and affection to ya'll!

 

    

Behind in Work; Illnesses; Denessa Smith Death

I have been quiet of late, largely because I have been on the mend and working hard. As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I was very, very ill and lost my appendix and my gallbladder in a very short period of time. Additionally, I spent an extra stay in the hospital for dehydration and abdominal infection after the removal of my gallbladder. I have started a new nutrition regimen and have been seeing a great Chiropractor and Nutritionalist who has really helped me steer my health in a new direction. My metabolism is up. I am wearing size 10 jeans and skirts again and my energy level is for the most part very high.

I have been working hard on the book and trying to balance the needs of finishing the book and the Almanac I signed with Llewellyn with the work I had already committed to with Modern Witch Magazine with the needs of my Family Coven. I have made a commitment to help Tree Bear with his homework daily and to be there for his extracurricular activities (he had chosen to continue Scouts, join the choir and play basketball this year – my Family Coven limits activities to no more than three a year).

Stone has been working long hours and the projects continue to manifest, which has it's up and downs to it. On the up, we are able to save enough money to move into a house within the next few months, on the down he spends a lot of time working. We have taken to working our weekends together occasionally taken a break to tell the other one what we are doing specifically. It is kind of fun.

Looking forward to moving is not something I want to do and not something I do not want to do. I love the idea that I will be able to go through this apartment and storage unit and get rid of crap we don't need, pair down our living a bit. On the downside, I get to go through the apartment and storage unit and get rid of crap we don't need, pair down our living a bit.

On the upside of life, Modern Witch Magazine is doing fabulous! My articles are getting great reviews and Ask a Pagan Parent is a huge hit. I am getting lots of questions which the editor and I did not expect. Even Stone is enjoying the magazine.

On the side of life that reminds us we are living to die and dying to live, Denessa Smith died of complications of gall bladder surgery. To say that the news was unnerving is an understatement. I had met Denessa at ConVocation 2008 and had already written her into my book. Some changes have had to be made however, I understand the Tempest Smith Foundation is going to try and continue the work Denessa was so passionate about.

The weather here today is stormy, so I am going to cut this short. I hope that you and yours continue to work well and find the blessings of the god and goddess many and fruitful!

 

Blessings!

 

Health Update; Eckhart Tolle and Learning Lessons

So my liver detox finally came and I started taking it yesterday. In addition to that, my green drink that I have been out of has come. Additionally, I have move up my doses on the Menstral Reg to its full strength, starting today. With my green drink back, my head feels less fuzzy; however, I am definitely having the flue like symptoms I was warned about having when I started to do this detox. I have had migraines, achiness and general discomfort for several days. Yesterday I ran a pretty high fever and was really sick to my stomach. I have tried to take this all in stride believing that I am actually moving away from illness and toward health by participating in these endeavors.

Interestingly enough, as I move from illness to health, I am forced to consider what part my personal ego has to play in the creation of my illness. In the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle he writes:

The pain-body consists of trapped life-energy that has split off from you energy field and has temporarily become autonomous throught the unnatural process of mind identification. It has turned in on itself and become anti-life, like and animal trying to devour its own tail. Why do you think our civilization has become so life-destructive? But even the life-destructive forces are still life-energy.

When you start to dis-identify and become the watcher, the pain-body will continue to operate for a while and will try to trick you into identifying with it again. Although you are no longer energizing it through your identification, it has a certain momentum, just like spinning wheel that will keep turning for a while even when it is no longer being propelled. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains in different parts of the body, but they won't last. Stay present, stay conscious. Be the ever-alert guardian of your inner space. You need to be present enough to be able to watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control your thinking. The moment your thinking is aligned with the energy field of the pain-body, you are identified with it and again feeding it with your thoughts.

…Focus attention on feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it – don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher. This is the power of Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.

…The pain-body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence

In observing my body as it reacts to stress, I believe I have become addicted to illness as a coping mechanism to stress. I get stressed and thrust out of the Now and then react with a physical ailment that buys me time to consider what I really need to do. In the past 24 hours, I have had two major life issues to face. As I faced them I tried to stay present in my Now and I tried to focus my indestructible beingness on a compassionate response to the issues that had arisen. I really focused and in doing so found compassion AND I found boundaries. I found a way to lay down those boundaries free from anger and egoic responses. I made life altering decisions yesterday and did so from my center, my oneness, my beingness. There was a joy that was found in doing this that is truly indescribable. I think of these situations and fear, anxiety, irritation do not flow from me but joy and peace do. I think my ego and my pain-bodies are fighting back. Recently a wise man asked me if I was being psychically attacked and I agreed to begin to change some daily routines to try and stop the attacks that may be manifesting some of my illnesses.

Reading Tolle, I have learned that I am being psychically attacked from myself. My own pain-body and ego are fighting tooth and nail to continue to live and create drama, pain and suffering in my life. As I observe my ego and my pain-bodies, I get closer to the sense of peace and my mind clears a bit more. I am now learning to work with the body. How can I observe my own pain and see it as a separate phantom that is attacking me? How can I realize that my pain-bodies are so entrenched that they have manifested illness in me that is not really part of my body. It is part of mental tapes that have created illness in my body? How can I stop this pain and illness and reverse the damage done to my body?

I return to Tolle:

Ultimately, this is not about solving your problems. It's about realizing that there are no problems. Only situations – to be dealt with now, or to be left alone and accepted as part of the "isness" of the present moment until they change or can be dealt with. Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. They cannot survive in the actuality of the now.

All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

You may find it hard to recognize that time is the cause of your suffering or your problems. You believe that they are caused by specific situations in your life, and seen from a conventional view point, this is true. But until you have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind – its attachment to the past and future and denial of the now – problems are actually interchangeable.

It if it is the quality of your consciousness at this moment that determines the future, then what is it that determines the quality of the your consciousness? Your degree of presence. So the only place where true change can occur and where the past can be dissolved is the Now.

So any perceived problems I currently have are simply a rehashing of the same problem I have always had. Observe the problem and view it at a situation that either needs to be addressed or left alone until it can be addressed and suddenly you have decreased your stress level by 100 %. I have perceived illness which is really a manifestation of pain-bodies within me. As I observe these pain bodies and quiet my mind, keeping it out of future scenarios where everything goes wrong and keeping it out of past situations that lay a foundation for my belief that things are going to go wrong, I am in the Now and in the Now things are being worked on or waiting to be worked on, in either case, it is not something I have to worry about. As I feel pain, I can see the pain and try to find the feeling that the pain came with, then observe the situation and let the pain body go.

This happened 48 hours ago when someone I love, admire and care for with my soul disagreed with me. The next morning I was sick. As I observed my feelings throughout the day, I realized I was stuck in the past where when people disagree with me they don't love me anymore. As I observed the situation, my fever broke and I began to realize I was playing out future fears that this person wouldn't love me in the future if we were honest with each other and couldn't find agreement. I would lose her and my life would be devastated. However – this future is not NOW. So instead, I centered myself and read her emails as we began our discussion with compassion for her and myself. As I have done this I have lived in the Now and know that agreement or not, Family is more important than disagreement which means that compromise is the ultimate outcome of the situation. As I center myself, I know that love and joy of our relationship outstrips all other things and that that is the true beingness of our relationship. If we both work from that place, we will end the gap of misunderstanding and find ourselves closer than we have ever been outside of our collective pasts and denying any potential disastrous futures our minds can create. If we both work from being, then we both will be and the answer will manifest from the moment of our agreed upon love.

It was these realizations that lead me to be able to deal with the two sudden and horrible life challenges that came in the past 24 hours. This is why family spirituality can be so profound. Working in the context of unconditional love and living in a life of honest communication, you can reveal for each other what you need to learn doing so requires no formal training in spirituality. It requires Beingness. If you are being for your family, then you will radically change every person you come in contact within your family and without.

Health Update

We'll, as many of you are aware, I am on a quest to find health in my life. I have started a many pronged approach and thought I would give you an update.

One of the things I am trying to do is adjust my sleep wake times. This means turning off the devil box around 11 PM which is a bummer because sometimes I miss Deadliest Catch at 9 pm and they typically run it again at 11 PM. I am also trying to adjust waking at an earlier time.

Last night I was lights out and pretty much asleep by 11:45 PM and woke up today at 7:00 AM. I used to eat breakfast in front of the TV, now the TV stays off and I work on a gratitude journal, my regular journal and read a spiritual book. Right now I am reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and using Oprah's website to take the summer course. I signed up to take The Course in Miracles and for some reason I am not getting my emails. I am kind of bummed about that.

I have given up milk for the most part. We have gone to a family that used to drink 2 ½ gallons of milk every two weeks to a family that uses 2 quarts of Organic 2% milk every two weeks. I can't help but drink a little milk with my No Pudge brownie. But, Lydia, you say, you are eating healthier! And so I am!!! I make my No Pudge brownies with applesauce (sugar free, thank you). They are still the best chocolate fix to be found!!!

I am eating a high protein cereal for breakfast and have started taking some new herbals on the recommendation of my chiropractor who seems to think I am piremenopausal. I am taking Super GLA and Menstrual Reg both from Nature's Sunshine. In addition to these supplements I have purchased a Liver Detox system from Renew Life (I have used their products in the past with great results) and am drinking the Garden of Life Perfect Food drink every morning. The Chiropractor thinks my Liver Detoxing will help my over all functioning. She would also like to see me in her office to get cracked; however, I haven't taken that step yet.

For food, I am trying to only eat things that Tony would be able to eat. Right now we are addicted to Reduced Fat Wheat Thins which have no MSG, taste great and are freakin' awesome.

Our dinners consist of Vegetarian meals or fish and fresh veggies (when we can afford it).

I am bicycling or doing some other form of exercise three times per week. I am also trying to ensure that I am getting sun without sunscreen at least 20 minutes a day to help in my Vitamin D production which I also show signs of being deficient in.

My results so far are mixed. When the stress gets high I get run down. We had a family meeting in my Family Coven about stress and Lydia and today has been an easier day consequently I was able to fight off the sleepiness I usually battle in the afternoon and write a chapter on the book!!! Now there are some results. I think the Garden of Life drink has change my alkaline and I haven't had a soda in a week (I relapsed when I went to the movie theatre and hated the Sprite I got).

I am focusing on more water, more natural light, daily spiritual practice including meditations and vision boards, and keeping a food, exercise and natural light daily chart. I think I am heading in the right direction and will keep you posted.

Blogging

Today we went to see Wall-E. It was depressing. Even Tree Bear thought so. It was all about how we had finally polluted the world and corporate America had completely undermine the individual and human contact. What depressed me was that the majority of people who saw it thought it was "cute" as they waddled out of the movie theatre. I am sure the people who created it had a great laugh as they watched their audience remain oblivious that in part the people in the audience were the basis for the movie.

I am still reading Tolle and am close to the end. I am continuing with my gratitude book and journaling daily. My heath was good until I ate cake at the party yesterday and popcorn and my 1^st Spirte in weeks. I enjoyed neither the Sprite nor the popcorn and ate them anyway. Another thing the Wall-E movie focused on.

Yesterday we went to fun party for a friend of Tree Bear's at a state park where there were natural water falls with natural slippery slides. Tree Bear had a blast. We ate cake (not on my food choices) and a blimpie sandwich (not on my food choices) which went nicely with my popcorn and the 1^st Sprite in weeks I had today.

Friday night we spent at the Crimson Moon watching Emerald Rose. I had the best meal at The Crimson Moon and Emerald Rose was fabulous as always. We will be seeing them again next weekend at the Northwest Georgia Celtic Festival go the Emerald Rose to learn more about the upcoming festival or write to brian@emeraldrose.com for the latest information. We will be there for sure!

Stone has under taken the burden of cooking dinner (which is good cause I really don't feel like it). I have found a pattern for the dodecahedron to crochet and have had a time getting it correct. Although I keep trying!

I did my meditations today and am really concerned for one of the DSFC members and found a few in a funky haze. It just must be one of those days. I love you guys.

Sabotage & Kissing

So last night instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour I stayed up until 2:30 PM just sitting. I am reading Eckhart Tolle A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose and he was discussing families. Up until this section I was completely down with what he had to say; however, his words just cut deep and I was left drinking ½ glass of milk and eating two strawberry poptarts while sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Having identified as the victim of domestic abuse for so long, the idea that I should let those thought forms simple go and no long accept that who and what I am is dictated by my past is pretty radical. The third degree is to Be and I have been obsessed by this idea of BEING for many years now. Tolle's book is all about Being. It tells you how to recognize when you are not being and tells you how to let go of those times and become more present, more "be."

I know this book will require a second read and I also know that not everyone would read this book and understand; however, as a research book for what I am writing on I find it most helpful. He utilizes mostly Christian and Zen Buddhist examples; however, the fact that I was raised Christian has really helped me. It is a reference point that I can easily adapt to.

Between my study of the Laws of Attraction and the Tolle my world view is shifting, and you take into account the physical changes I am trying to put into place and you have and interesting situation in my life. It is definitely a journey and it feels good to feel that I am on one again.

It doesn't help that I have contracted the virus that has had my husband down in the bed for three days. I am shooting DayQuil and think NiteQuil is on my menu for tonight.

To know – Your Ego

To Do – Clear Your Ego

To Will – Command Your Ego

To Be – Release Your Ego

(Lydia M. Crabtree, 2008)

 

I have put some of the insights that have struck me below.

I have this fear of failure. I know what to do and when to do it and yet I fear doing it. I fear success. My old thought patterns are still very ingrained. I focus on them. I examine them. The idea that my problem is "letting go" hadn't really occurred to me. Here I am thought, with the need to "let go."

No thing ever had (has) anything to do with who they (I) are (am).

The ego tends to equate having with Being. I have, therefore, I am.

The ego's sense of self-worth is in most cases bound up with the worth you have in the eyes of others.

I am awareness that is aware that there is an attachment.

I don't have enough yet translates to I AM NOT enough yet.

I think therefore I am is the root of ego.

The consciousness that say, "I am" is no that consciousness that thinks."

I am – not what my consciousness has settled for.

If the shutters are closed, sunlight cannot come in.

Be still and know that you are.

Ego lives on identification and separation.

When you confuse the ego that you perceive in others with their identity, it is the work of your own ego that uses this misperception to strengthen itself through being right and therefore superior and through reacting with condemnation, indignation and often anger against the perceived enemy. Pg 73

The particular egoic patterns that you react to most strongly in others and misperceive as their identity tend to be the same patterns that are also in you, but that you are unable or unwilling to detect within yourself. In that sense, you have much to learn from you enemies. What is it in them that you find most upsetting, most disturbing? Their selfishness? Their greed? Their need for power and control? Their insincerity, dishonesty, propensity to violence, or whatever it may be? Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you. But it is no more than a form of ego, and as such, it is completely impersonal. It has nothing to do with who that person is, nor has it anything to do with who you are. Only if you mistake it for who you are can observing it within you be threatening to your sense of self. Pg 74

Whatever you fight you strengthen and what you resist persists. Pg 75

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Pg 96

See the link between what you are thinking and your emotions.

What to you is a mistake may be exactly what your children need to do or experience.

Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness and the burning up of ego.

One with Life. Being one with life is being one with Now.

Before you were the thoughts, emotions and reactions; now you are the awareness, the conscious Presence that witnesses those states.

Your entire personal history, which is ultimately no more than a story, a bundle of thoughts and emotions, becomes of secondary importance and no longer occupies the forefront of your consciousness.

The stronger the ego in you, the more likely it is that in your perception other people are the main source of problems in your life. Pg 119

The collective ego of tribes, nations, and religious organizations also frequently contains a strong element of paranoia: us against the evil others. It is the cause of much human suffering. Pg 120

The Zen they say: "Don't seek the truth. Just cease to cherish opinions." What does that mean? Let go of identification with your mind. Who you are beyond the mind then emerges by itself. Pg 121

Everything italicized comes from Tolle's Work. My own quote is un- italicized.