So my liver detox finally came and I started taking it yesterday. In addition to that, my green drink that I have been out of has come. Additionally, I have move up my doses on the Menstral Reg to its full strength, starting today. With my green drink back, my head feels less fuzzy; however, I am definitely having the flue like symptoms I was warned about having when I started to do this detox. I have had migraines, achiness and general discomfort for several days. Yesterday I ran a pretty high fever and was really sick to my stomach. I have tried to take this all in stride believing that I am actually moving away from illness and toward health by participating in these endeavors.
Interestingly enough, as I move from illness to health, I am forced to consider what part my personal ego has to play in the creation of my illness. In the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle he writes:
The pain-body consists of trapped life-energy that has split off from you energy field and has temporarily become autonomous throught the unnatural process of mind identification. It has turned in on itself and become anti-life, like and animal trying to devour its own tail. Why do you think our civilization has become so life-destructive? But even the life-destructive forces are still life-energy.
When you start to dis-identify and become the watcher, the pain-body will continue to operate for a while and will try to trick you into identifying with it again. Although you are no longer energizing it through your identification, it has a certain momentum, just like spinning wheel that will keep turning for a while even when it is no longer being propelled. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains in different parts of the body, but they won't last. Stay present, stay conscious. Be the ever-alert guardian of your inner space. You need to be present enough to be able to watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control your thinking. The moment your thinking is aligned with the energy field of the pain-body, you are identified with it and again feeding it with your thoughts.
…Focus attention on feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it – don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher. This is the power of Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.
…The pain-body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence
In observing my body as it reacts to stress, I believe I have become addicted to illness as a coping mechanism to stress. I get stressed and thrust out of the Now and then react with a physical ailment that buys me time to consider what I really need to do. In the past 24 hours, I have had two major life issues to face. As I faced them I tried to stay present in my Now and I tried to focus my indestructible beingness on a compassionate response to the issues that had arisen. I really focused and in doing so found compassion AND I found boundaries. I found a way to lay down those boundaries free from anger and egoic responses. I made life altering decisions yesterday and did so from my center, my oneness, my beingness. There was a joy that was found in doing this that is truly indescribable. I think of these situations and fear, anxiety, irritation do not flow from me but joy and peace do. I think my ego and my pain-bodies are fighting back. Recently a wise man asked me if I was being psychically attacked and I agreed to begin to change some daily routines to try and stop the attacks that may be manifesting some of my illnesses.
Reading Tolle, I have learned that I am being psychically attacked from myself. My own pain-body and ego are fighting tooth and nail to continue to live and create drama, pain and suffering in my life. As I observe my ego and my pain-bodies, I get closer to the sense of peace and my mind clears a bit more. I am now learning to work with the body. How can I observe my own pain and see it as a separate phantom that is attacking me? How can I realize that my pain-bodies are so entrenched that they have manifested illness in me that is not really part of my body. It is part of mental tapes that have created illness in my body? How can I stop this pain and illness and reverse the damage done to my body?
I return to Tolle:
Ultimately, this is not about solving your problems. It's about realizing that there are no problems. Only situations – to be dealt with now, or to be left alone and accepted as part of the "isness" of the present moment until they change or can be dealt with. Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. They cannot survive in the actuality of the now.
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.
You may find it hard to recognize that time is the cause of your suffering or your problems. You believe that they are caused by specific situations in your life, and seen from a conventional view point, this is true. But until you have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind – its attachment to the past and future and denial of the now – problems are actually interchangeable.
It if it is the quality of your consciousness at this moment that determines the future, then what is it that determines the quality of the your consciousness? Your degree of presence. So the only place where true change can occur and where the past can be dissolved is the Now.
So any perceived problems I currently have are simply a rehashing of the same problem I have always had. Observe the problem and view it at a situation that either needs to be addressed or left alone until it can be addressed and suddenly you have decreased your stress level by 100 %. I have perceived illness which is really a manifestation of pain-bodies within me. As I observe these pain bodies and quiet my mind, keeping it out of future scenarios where everything goes wrong and keeping it out of past situations that lay a foundation for my belief that things are going to go wrong, I am in the Now and in the Now things are being worked on or waiting to be worked on, in either case, it is not something I have to worry about. As I feel pain, I can see the pain and try to find the feeling that the pain came with, then observe the situation and let the pain body go.
This happened 48 hours ago when someone I love, admire and care for with my soul disagreed with me. The next morning I was sick. As I observed my feelings throughout the day, I realized I was stuck in the past where when people disagree with me they don't love me anymore. As I observed the situation, my fever broke and I began to realize I was playing out future fears that this person wouldn't love me in the future if we were honest with each other and couldn't find agreement. I would lose her and my life would be devastated. However – this future is not NOW. So instead, I centered myself and read her emails as we began our discussion with compassion for her and myself. As I have done this I have lived in the Now and know that agreement or not, Family is more important than disagreement which means that compromise is the ultimate outcome of the situation. As I center myself, I know that love and joy of our relationship outstrips all other things and that that is the true beingness of our relationship. If we both work from that place, we will end the gap of misunderstanding and find ourselves closer than we have ever been outside of our collective pasts and denying any potential disastrous futures our minds can create. If we both work from being, then we both will be and the answer will manifest from the moment of our agreed upon love.
It was these realizations that lead me to be able to deal with the two sudden and horrible life challenges that came in the past 24 hours. This is why family spirituality can be so profound. Working in the context of unconditional love and living in a life of honest communication, you can reveal for each other what you need to learn doing so requires no formal training in spirituality. It requires Beingness. If you are being for your family, then you will radically change every person you come in contact within your family and without.
