Investing in Yourself


So today I was paying bills and looking at this next check. It is one of those 'free checks' where we use it to put money in the bank in savings, car maintenance and in general get ahead.

I always make a list of expenses for these checks before we get them. This time we are putting tires on the Focus and sending Connla and Tony to Webeloes Camp. We are also paying for the Harriet Austin Writers Conference.

I got to adding it up. The hotel will be $175 for two nights. I need to go to both nights so that I can go to the conference receptions and dinners. The whole point of this conference is to meet agents and editors and get some momentum and encouragement about Southern Stories and Family Coven. The receptions and dinners both cost money so that is going to be another $45. Then you add workshops and conferences for both days and you are at $250. Then add a fee for entering a synopsis of Southern Stories and Family Coven and you can tact on another $100. That is $570 and doesn't include gas to get there and breakfast and water.

I turned to Tony and said, "It is just so much money and I don't want it to be a waste of time or a waste of money." Tony said, "You have to invest money to make money."

It struck me. Invest in myself? Wow. Think about that. How many of us have dreams we are unwilling to invest in? Isn't this exactly why my mother and my grandmother never continued on, never got published themselves. They didn't really believe in what they were doing enough to invest time, money and sweat.

The cost is still a lot for this one income family to handle; however, I am a good investment.

ConVocation, Pagan Unity Festival, Harriette Austin Writers Conference

I have applied for ConVocation 2008 in Michigan. I offer the link here; however, they have not yet updated the entire site for the 2008 theme. We'll see how my application is received.

I am scheduled to go to Pagan Unity Festival (PUF) and meet with an author. He has graciously agreed to look at my book proposal and sample chapters. I am going to take extra copies with me and give them out to any other authors who will agree to take them. Maybe I can get a forward for the book this way! I am also going to meet with my long time friend, Sharon who is going to experience PUF with Tony and I. I am hopeful that our friends, Leslie and Timothy will agree to lunch with us. It has been too long since we have had a chance to hang out and talk.

I will send out my book proposal by the end of May. Pray for a good publisher, with a good offer. An agent wouldn't hurt either.

I am also working on my synopsis of Southern Stories to turn in at the Harriett Austin Writers Conference in July. I hope to secure an agent while I am there and present my fiction work to some publishers. I have never done a synopsis before so this should be interesting.

Keep good thoughts and energy moving toward the manifestation of a good publisher who offers a good deal and a good agent who knows what s/he is doing!

Lydia's Birthday, Still Missing Tony

My birthday went well. Penne came over as did my new friend Bobbie. Penne brought snack foods that I am still eating on for lunch and red velvet cake. It is tradition that I eat red velvet cake on my birthday. Penne also gave me a lovely hummingbird feeder and a hook to hang near my back deck garden. She had remembered that I didn't have one because it was broken. Now - that is a good friend!

I miss Tony terribly. His being gone is getting old. Even Connla is missing him.

Today is My Birthday - Let's Reflect

I have debated about blogging today. However, this day has turned into 'Dia doing what she wants to day.' I decided - what the hell!

It is my birthday.

I am older.

My husband is traveling, my son is at school and a crazy friend has made it her mission to make sure I have a birthday cake (Thanks Penne).

I am suppose to be reflecting, right? I have been all day and have come to one main conclusion.

I am different.

I am changed.

I know people say that all the time; however, I AM different. Something has changed in my soul. It is like I am finally being re-born from the sickness that used to consume me and the person I am on the other side of illness isn't who she was before. Need proof?

I have a crush. It's o.k. Tony knows all about it. However, I haven't had a crush in years, so this is pretty amazing. It is almost like I have reconnected with my Maiden some how and she is the one with a crush...bad. I still love Tony. I still only want to have the sacred rite of marriage with Tony. My crush hasn't killed my love. Isn't that cool? You can crush on someone and love someone else - who knew?

I am walking nearly everyday and I like it. Seriously, I mean I have come to depend upon my hour of walking around with my headset on, listening to my music (U2, LIVE, Solas, Dave Matthews, Joss Stone, Emerald Rose, and the odd songs here and there), sweating and holding my stomach in to strengthen those stomach muscles.

I do not drink Coke. I have the odd Sprite now and again; however, I do not drink Coke, Pepsi, Diet Coke...nothing. For those of you who don't know, I had a six pack a day habit of coke. Not diet coke either, regular coke. Not the mini cans - the big ones!

I have cut back on fat. This is pretty big too. I charted my fat intake and discovered it was 85% of my total dietary intake. 85%! So I have cut back and am eating more protien.

I am nearly always going to bed by 11 PM. I KNOW! She who used to sit up for hours. I am nervous about the upcoming gatherings because I know I will be staying up late to run my mouth. I am worried about getting out of the habit.

I have slowed down and not in the bad ways. I am not as in a hurry. I am not as worried about everything in it's place and a place for everything. There is a major gathering at the end of this month and I haven't even thought about it. I don't know who is cooking what. I don't even know if everyone coming has a tent. Further, I am not worried about it!

I know I am going to get published. It is just a matter of time, persistency and patience. I don't say this in a bragging sort of way, I know this, that's all.

I have all these friends and their support around me. I don't know if I was blind to it before or if they weren't there before. Maybe I was reluctant to allow my heart to know this before. Maybe I was worried that I would screw it up or make people mad. Goddess knows that has happened plenty enough to me. Maybe the caliber of people I am getting to know is just a better more mature group of people. I don't know. My inbox is filled with praise for this site. People are writing me and asking to camp with me and my husband at an upcoming gathering (Go Reclaiming!). I am meeting people and for the first time I sense mutual admiration. I even had Otter tell me I was 'glowing these days.' She wants a picture of me on this site to reflect it.

It is like I woke up and my life was being fully lived. I am so blessed. I am a Priestess to the God and Goddess. I am a wife and a mother. I have friends and I am other people's friend. I am doing what I love. I matter.

For the record, I have a crush on Kiefer Sutherland. It's that damn Jack Bauer. Who wouldn't have a crush on that?

Happy Birthday Me! Life is good.

Missing Tony ~

Why is it that when people you love leave, you end up needing them more? Tony hasn't been gone but a few hours and already I am feeling the pain of his leaving.

Neck Pain.

I woke up with a crick in my neck that he didn't have a chance to work out. I can't believe I am going to have to suffer this all week without him.

That's right, I am pouting cause my man went on a trip. We're in love and it's disgusting...move along!

RockFest, Agate, Selenite, Numerology

This weekend has also been about the synchronicities of life. When I was originally asked to attend a private Beltane on Saturday, they had suggested that everyone bring a rock, precious stone or mineral for some common purpose. As you will read below, this invitation came after I received a members' invitation to RockFest at the Wienman Mineral Museum.
Penne, Connla and I tried to attend RockFest on Friday night; however, the vendors weren't open. Connla, Tony and I decided to go RockFest the next morning. That night I had some peculiar dreams. I clearly remember dreaming about selenite, the clustered rose type. I remember clearly holding a small selenite rose in my hand and studying it.

Saturday morning we woke and set off to the festival without incident. While walking through the vendors, I happened upon a small box with a selenite rose in it. I picked it up and immediately remembered the dream I had. I bought the stone without hesitation.

Later on, I was looking with Tony at something when Connla broke through our discussion to say, "Check your ticket! Check your ticket!" Then he began to repeat over and over the number that had just been called in the raffle. The raffle was free. Tickets had been given to us upon entry into the festival. I had put them in my pocket without looking at them and promptly forgotten about them. Connla was tugging on me as I drew them out only to discover the number he was repeating was the number of one of our tickets! We had won!

We went to the booth to claim our prize and drew the number five prize. Inside the bag was a sterling silver agate bracelet by Edward G. Harker, geologist and goldsmith (Unfortunately Mr. Harker does not have an email OR website, his work is excellent!). Connla quickly claimed the luck as his doing and the bracelet as his Mother's Day gift to me. I told him that it was great that he and Tony could get me a Mother's Day gift without spending a dime. Connla firmly replied, "No, this is MY gift. Tony is out of luck!"
I have been wearing my gift from Connla ever since.

We went to a lovely Beltane celebration with a private group. It was surreal. I discovered that during my very serious illness last year, Tony had contacted this group asking them to place a candle on the altar for me at one of their celebrations. Tony was in tears as he thanked the group and offered me up as proof of their ability to heal. I was really taken a back at this revelation.

Finally, this late afternoon I was able to look up what the magical properties of agate and selenite are. I was also able to consider some of the numerological significances of the events around the actual winning. The number I won with was 39800051. Numerology gives the ticket a number of 8, because 3+9+8+0+0+0+5+1 = 26 = 2+6 = 8. The prize I won was the number 5 prize. I won a bracelet laid out in a nine stone chain. When I used Love is in the Earth by Melody, to calculate the number of the stones I got, 8+9+5+9+1+9+9+9+8 = 67 = 6+7 = 13. Sometimes 13 is further reduced to 1+3 = 4.

Continuing with Love is in the Earth I used the companion book Love is in the Earth: Mineralogical Pictorial to identify the subsets of agate I had.
I studied what Melody had to say about these stones and looked into The Crystal Bible. I found the meaning of the different agates interesting and informative. The numerology is very revealing also.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend too!