Today is My Birthday - Let's Reflect

I have debated about blogging today. However, this day has turned into 'Dia doing what she wants to day.' I decided - what the hell!

It is my birthday.

I am older.

My husband is traveling, my son is at school and a crazy friend has made it her mission to make sure I have a birthday cake (Thanks Penne).

I am suppose to be reflecting, right? I have been all day and have come to one main conclusion.

I am different.

I am changed.

I know people say that all the time; however, I AM different. Something has changed in my soul. It is like I am finally being re-born from the sickness that used to consume me and the person I am on the other side of illness isn't who she was before. Need proof?

I have a crush. It's o.k. Tony knows all about it. However, I haven't had a crush in years, so this is pretty amazing. It is almost like I have reconnected with my Maiden some how and she is the one with a crush...bad. I still love Tony. I still only want to have the sacred rite of marriage with Tony. My crush hasn't killed my love. Isn't that cool? You can crush on someone and love someone else - who knew?

I am walking nearly everyday and I like it. Seriously, I mean I have come to depend upon my hour of walking around with my headset on, listening to my music (U2, LIVE, Solas, Dave Matthews, Joss Stone, Emerald Rose, and the odd songs here and there), sweating and holding my stomach in to strengthen those stomach muscles.

I do not drink Coke. I have the odd Sprite now and again; however, I do not drink Coke, Pepsi, Diet Coke...nothing. For those of you who don't know, I had a six pack a day habit of coke. Not diet coke either, regular coke. Not the mini cans - the big ones!

I have cut back on fat. This is pretty big too. I charted my fat intake and discovered it was 85% of my total dietary intake. 85%! So I have cut back and am eating more protien.

I am nearly always going to bed by 11 PM. I KNOW! She who used to sit up for hours. I am nervous about the upcoming gatherings because I know I will be staying up late to run my mouth. I am worried about getting out of the habit.

I have slowed down and not in the bad ways. I am not as in a hurry. I am not as worried about everything in it's place and a place for everything. There is a major gathering at the end of this month and I haven't even thought about it. I don't know who is cooking what. I don't even know if everyone coming has a tent. Further, I am not worried about it!

I know I am going to get published. It is just a matter of time, persistency and patience. I don't say this in a bragging sort of way, I know this, that's all.

I have all these friends and their support around me. I don't know if I was blind to it before or if they weren't there before. Maybe I was reluctant to allow my heart to know this before. Maybe I was worried that I would screw it up or make people mad. Goddess knows that has happened plenty enough to me. Maybe the caliber of people I am getting to know is just a better more mature group of people. I don't know. My inbox is filled with praise for this site. People are writing me and asking to camp with me and my husband at an upcoming gathering (Go Reclaiming!). I am meeting people and for the first time I sense mutual admiration. I even had Otter tell me I was 'glowing these days.' She wants a picture of me on this site to reflect it.

It is like I woke up and my life was being fully lived. I am so blessed. I am a Priestess to the God and Goddess. I am a wife and a mother. I have friends and I am other people's friend. I am doing what I love. I matter.

For the record, I have a crush on Kiefer Sutherland. It's that damn Jack Bauer. Who wouldn't have a crush on that?

Happy Birthday Me! Life is good.