I have been quiet for some time. I have found that a significant stay in a hospital will silence you quickly.
Don’t freak out. I am o.k. They seem to have figured out what made me ill and I am at home and on the road to recovery.
My book will be delayed due to this most unfortunate turn of events. However, it will still be published.
I am learning lessons about taking it easy, listening to my body, meditation and the joys and annoyances of strong family coven and church support.
Crystal has been my shield and behind her capable hands I have felt at ease enough to rest. Of course, Michael has been right there flanking her right hand and further hiding me.
Then there is Stone and Tree Bear my core Family Coven who stood by me and questioned doctors and held my fingers (my hands were full of tubes). Without Tina, Tree Bear wouldn’t have made it to school nor benefited from the solid knowledge that he would be taken care of with or without his mother right at hand. Carly gave me a means to escape my misery and then loaned me her life when I got home from the hospital so I could watch it over and over while the medications found their way out of my system.
Now I am back slowly returning to a normal life and worrying about the tax deadline this week, excited to go to Florida Pagan Gathering and getting reacquainted with my Family Coven and my tradition.
Sometimes you need to rest and let your body recover. So I have an eye to continue that trend while returning to the work the God and Goddess has given.
Thank all of those who have kept me in their prayers and magic. Especially: Jenna, Cam, Michael, Crystal, Suz, Tina, Becky, Patrick, Mom, Carly, Sarah, Stone, TreeBear, Elysia Gallo at Llewellyn Worldwide and all the extended members of FWTI. Your energy and time I cherish and am humbled by. Thank you.

Welcome 2009!!!! Welcome Change! Welcome a harvest long sought and fought for। Welcome an attitude of hope. Welcome partners in my publisher, lawyer, new Family Coven members! Welcome all those who I hope to meet, share sacred space with and learn from during my travels and personal appearances! Welcome to you who are just coming to my site and getting know me....

I have been struck by the immense feeling of change and hope that seems to cling to the air clashing with the clamor of busyness, pressure and stress. So many of my Family Coven Brothers and Sisters are not sad in the least to see 2008 go and embrace a new year with the hope and possibility that seems to have been kept from us since Samhain.

Maybe it is the teenager – my ghost of maidenhood – that has possessed me forcing me to recall a young southern girl checking out the speeches and sermons of the Rev. Martin Luther King, then reading them in secret, hiding the book in a binder and finding within his words a world of possibility, justice and equality.
Maybe watching a civil rights advocate live long enough to see King’s dream fulfilled and participate on the historic day when the view of our Chief is suddenly no longer a white man like it has been forty-four times before, returned to me that innocent hope that seems to have gotten lost covered by the noise and static of a life lived। Maybe Joseph Lowery stirred in me a belief that it is possible for different faiths to find common ground.
And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance।
And as we leave this mountaintop, help us to hold onto the spirit of fellowship and the oneness of our family। Let us take that power back to our homes, our workplaces, our churches, our temples, our mosques or wherever we seek your will.

Love, not hate.
On the side of inclusion, not exclusion.
Tolerance, not intolerance.
Let us take that power back to our homes.

For five long years I have researched, studied and written to try to bring about the idea that HOME is where the power, tolerance, love, inclusion and spirituality come from। Strong spiritual families make strong spiritual communities and birth a peaceful nation। In a religion that has been built and maintained, in all gratefulness and respect, by solitaires and adult oriented covens; it is the family that is our future. Gardner claimed we were born at the kitchen table and now we have spiraled back to that table to find the spiritual plug block that seemingly unsatiated place in our hearts.

President Obama had already noted the need and power within our homes when he said:
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours। It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Perhaps it is as President Obama suggested our country and, especially neopagans and Wiccans, are still young and we teeter like a child learning to walk, finding out the lessons only exploration, trial and error can bring us.

I am awed by the moment in history and time we stand upon. The brink of change for the country I love and the faith I am devoted to. As I work late into the night, I feel blessedly stressed. At five-years-old, I wanted to write. At ten, I wanted to write. At fifteen, I wanted to write. Here I am at 4:30 AM, a mild 37 years, writing while my son lays safely in his bed and my Husband Priest rests from providing me the opportunity no one else ever gave me: a chance to prove I could apply my will with hard work, perseverance and the gift of free speech, I could write. Suddenly, the ills, hardships and short-comings of this nation seems to pale in comparison to my blessed stress.

Let Freedom Ring

Freedom.

Sometimes freedom is one of inward overcoming where you break the bondage of the past so that you may move forward in spiritual peace.

Sometimes freedom is a piece of paper – the get out of jail free card where past wrongs are pardon and mistakes long paid for are finally assuaged and you have a chance to sleep peacefully, soundly knowing that balance and justice have prevailed.

Then there is the freedom of choice, one that I had come to believe we – as Americans – may have lost. However, as I wake early my world is changed and President Elect Obama is moving toward inauguration. My faith that choice does make or a break an American's life is restored.

I have spent the past several years making serious and deliberate choices moving my family to a place where peace and prosperity (emotional, mental, physical) were part of daily living not simply places visited occasionally. On Election Day I spent it in a court house and watched the joy of white southern parents adopt an African American boy named Porter. They were filled with joy and happiness while finalizing the bond that had grown between them. In this Southern courthouse in the heart of the Red state, one couple defying the odds and taking as one of their own a child who didn't look like them and whose genetic history was miles from theirs. On that same day, an African American would accept his bid and become President Elect of the United States. Surely, the coincidence of these events is not lost on me.

While spending my day in the court house, I also found freedom from a long term affliction that plagued me…a belief that I did not have friends that I could count on who loved me. While I was there with my husband and my matron of honor, two other women nearly two hours away were taking care of five children under the age of five so that we could concentrate on the important business at hand. At four o'clock, the women divided up and one went and fetched my 10 year old son bringing him to join the party, eat pizza and get ready for an important Boy Scout meeting. By the time the three of us had returned, children had been fed and Stone and Tree Bear were off to meet Boy Scouts and learn what a life in Boy Scouting might mean for our Cub Scout about to graduate beyond childhood and into tween years.

Saying thank you to Carly and Tina could not possibly convey to them what their act of selfless love means to me. Watching my goddess daughters so that I could have support and love on a tough and serious day in my life was so important to me. I truly felt I have found community that is stable and loving and willing to give as they receive. Love with an open eye and heart. Willing to take care of each other and to take care of other's others.

In the past few weeks, the Goddess and God has rained down upon me the blessings and opportunities I at one time did not believe I deserved. This morning, I am overcome with joy and peace and so much of my life has come to order, I am not sure where to begin to give thanks. My sister, Crystal's recent column in Celtic Whispers is about being grateful for what you have been blessed and given by the Gods and Goddesses. I read it last night humbled because there is NOTHING that I have that has not been ordained, given or bestowed upon me that was not overseen by the Deities I worship or my family worships.

My Family Coven needed a cheaper home with plenty of space and a garage – we have received one. (Thank you Mr. T)

Tree Bear needed the definite judgment of stability and constancy – he has received it. (Thank the Gods and Godddess and counsel)

My Familiars needed to be taken into the Familiar Protection Program by competent witches – they have been received. (Thank you FPP)

I needed totes to help me organize and move – I have received them. (Thanks Sarah)

I needed a refrigerator – I have received one with no cost to my Family Coven (thanks Tina).

I wanted a new glass top stove – I have received with no cost to my Family Coven (Thanks Tina - AGAIN).

I needed clear suggestion and direction where my writing is concerned and I have received it. (Thank you Llewellyn)

I wanted my best friend to find love like I had found so that we could be a four-some – four friends looking out for each other together and she has received it. (Thanks John, welcome home.)

I needed community, real community and to know what it is to live with it, in it. Yesterday two young women chased five young children, planned beautiful activities and then wrangled a ten year old and fed them pizza all in the name of community. In truth it was like they were some anti-spell that shook the world and reminded the Gods and Goddesses that love and community still existed and both were given freely without condition and with love.

I needed these feelings of insecurity that have seem to haunt my life like a spell unshakable to be destroyed and this morning I woke with hope, clarity and a sense that the future is indeed now and my Family Coven is finally in a position to live together in peace, prosperity, magic, love and unity.

Truly the harvest is in and, yes, there is still work to be done; however, it is work that will be done with a happy heart living in the moment of joy and optimism while we wake each morning living in confidence that tomorrow will be nothing more or less than the same.

Blessed be the Goddess of the Hearth – Bres – for finding a covenstead for my Core Family Coven.

Blessed be Cerridwen - Mother of All for giving stability and constancy to my Tree Bear. Blessed be Athena, Artemis, Hera and Justice for delivering the best interest of a child.

Blessed be Bast for organizing other witches to take and care for my precious familiars.

Blessed be Bres for striking the heart of a giving witch to provide the fire upon which I will feed my family and the balance – the cool within which the food will be preserved.

Blessed be the Muses within each of us and the editors at Llewellyn.

Blessed be Cupid and Aphrodite for arranging love…indefinable…undeletable…unexplainable…love.

Blessed be Gaia the basis upon which community sits and is created.

Blessed be Morrigan, my rock, my protectress, my salvation.

Blessed be Mabon, Lugh, Coronus, Thor, The Holly King, The Oak King, the Magician, Warrior, Lover and Sage who planted the harvest, quietly and efficiently bring in the harvest and give the drive for the work to continue.

Blessed be the God in Stone, in Tree Bear and the Goddess in me, for we are unworthy hosts to their sublime divinity.

 

What I want, all I want, what I need, all I need, I call to HER.

What I want, all I want, what I need, all I need, I call to HIM. (Spiral Rhythms Break in Come and Dance)

And through me, in me and around me They work as one to deliver

As we work to be worthy and begin to comprehend the universal dance we are just mere steps in. (Lydia M. Crabtree)

 

Blessed be.
Blessed be.

Blessed be!

 

 

Moving the Covenstead, Saying Goodbye, Voting and Samhein

So my lovely core Family Coven is in the process of moving the Covenstead. I have already done some serious packing and we sign papers today. Then we take the boy to trick or treat with his friends. He has a scary costume and seems genuinely into trick or treating this year. I hate and love moving. The packing, the washing, the organizing, ahh it is like sweet candy to me. The aching arms, aching legs and aching backs are like aching to me. LOL

This move is especially sad as we are giving up our familiars in lue of our son's health who has been diagnosed with allergy to cats. Evidently are beloveds are giving my son asthma. They are being put into the Familiar Protection Program where witch's cats are given new identities and sent to good homes to live out their magical days with a family who has promised to protect them from magical harm or use against the magical family they have come from. All I can say is that one of our cats will become a mouser for a family over run by unruly chipmunks and the other will find her days filled with quiet meditation.

It is truly sad. I slept with one of them last night and yesterday Tony was all man when he hugged and petted one of our girls and declared how badly he was going to miss her. It is a daily depressing reality that my Family Coven is currently living with.

On a completely different subject – go vote. Please vote for the man whose service has been to those in Detroit who needed help and for the man who has the opportunity to completely change the way that the United States is viewed by both our allies and enemies abroad. These days call for peace. Let us seek it.

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/index.html?nid=J7GhiCeZ.0znJPizn55jEDY5NjYzNDA-&id=

Samhein day is here and I have no jack-o-lanterns carved, I feel like such a busy witch. I am going to try to get them done before I go to sign the papers on the new place. Tonight it is a quiet celebration. We can't wait.

    I haven't posted in sometime largely because I was meeting the deadline with Llewellyn. We should hear soon about a publication date and I can't wait to share it with you.

    I have been crocheting up a storm as I watch football and with hockey starting soon, I will have even more excuses to crochet. I have made a beautiful Irish scarf (muffler), a baby's cardigan sweater and matching hat, a baby's hat and matching car seat blanket, booties and hats for the local NICU and scarves for the Special Olympics. Currently I am conquering the art of making socks. Which doesn't sound like it would be a big deal; however, I have found it extremely testing.

    I started attending a Crochet Club and have taken great comfort in the knowledge that socks are difficult for more than just me. It seems socks and gloves are both difficult propositions for most crocheters who are self taught. So I feel good about that. I am happy about them getting us involved in giving back to the community. The NICU was such a great idea and I am hoping to get a few of them to whip up some scarves for the Special Olympics.

    I have also had some quality time with Tree Bear and Stone and enjoyed that immensely. We are moving very soon and so things are about to get really hectic. Tree Bear is doing well in school and has made some good friends this year. I love his teachers and we have had a great working relationship!

    The Fall air is coming in and I love it. The stifling summer heat is abating and with that crisp air a good friend has returned into my life. My family couldn't be more pleased! She has had a child and we are so excited to have her return to her spiritual family.

    I got a phone call from London. A first for me, my good friend Suz is over there on vacation and was picking up gifts for everyone. She was very excited and wanted Stone's shirt size. She said she has had a blast and that people in Paris are mean to Americans.

    My familiars' are going to live with another Family Covener. Tree Bear's allergies are terrible and it has been a difficult decision to make. However, a trusted Family Covener has agreed to take them in so they stay "in the family" so to speak and she gets a great mouser. We have been showering extra love and attention on them and hope to ease our loss by finding a house to live in with a fenced in yard to keep a dog in – which Tree Bear is not allergic to. We are also looking for hard wood flooring and will be steam cleaning everything as it leaves the house.
Tree Bear can't live a life with a permanent sinus infection. It is still sad though.

I am also working on my Tour for 2009. If you are interested in having me attend your event, please email me at lydia@lydiacrabtree.com.

    That catches you up on this end. I have started on my next book already. I am hopeful to finish this one in a shorter turnaround time now that I have some perspective of what publishers want. My love and affection to ya'll!

 

    

Behind in Work; Illnesses; Denessa Smith Death

I have been quiet of late, largely because I have been on the mend and working hard. As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I was very, very ill and lost my appendix and my gallbladder in a very short period of time. Additionally, I spent an extra stay in the hospital for dehydration and abdominal infection after the removal of my gallbladder. I have started a new nutrition regimen and have been seeing a great Chiropractor and Nutritionalist who has really helped me steer my health in a new direction. My metabolism is up. I am wearing size 10 jeans and skirts again and my energy level is for the most part very high.

I have been working hard on the book and trying to balance the needs of finishing the book and the Almanac I signed with Llewellyn with the work I had already committed to with Modern Witch Magazine with the needs of my Family Coven. I have made a commitment to help Tree Bear with his homework daily and to be there for his extracurricular activities (he had chosen to continue Scouts, join the choir and play basketball this year – my Family Coven limits activities to no more than three a year).

Stone has been working long hours and the projects continue to manifest, which has it's up and downs to it. On the up, we are able to save enough money to move into a house within the next few months, on the down he spends a lot of time working. We have taken to working our weekends together occasionally taken a break to tell the other one what we are doing specifically. It is kind of fun.

Looking forward to moving is not something I want to do and not something I do not want to do. I love the idea that I will be able to go through this apartment and storage unit and get rid of crap we don't need, pair down our living a bit. On the downside, I get to go through the apartment and storage unit and get rid of crap we don't need, pair down our living a bit.

On the upside of life, Modern Witch Magazine is doing fabulous! My articles are getting great reviews and Ask a Pagan Parent is a huge hit. I am getting lots of questions which the editor and I did not expect. Even Stone is enjoying the magazine.

On the side of life that reminds us we are living to die and dying to live, Denessa Smith died of complications of gall bladder surgery. To say that the news was unnerving is an understatement. I had met Denessa at ConVocation 2008 and had already written her into my book. Some changes have had to be made however, I understand the Tempest Smith Foundation is going to try and continue the work Denessa was so passionate about.

The weather here today is stormy, so I am going to cut this short. I hope that you and yours continue to work well and find the blessings of the god and goddess many and fruitful!

 

Blessings!

 

Health Update; Eckhart Tolle and Learning Lessons

So my liver detox finally came and I started taking it yesterday. In addition to that, my green drink that I have been out of has come. Additionally, I have move up my doses on the Menstral Reg to its full strength, starting today. With my green drink back, my head feels less fuzzy; however, I am definitely having the flue like symptoms I was warned about having when I started to do this detox. I have had migraines, achiness and general discomfort for several days. Yesterday I ran a pretty high fever and was really sick to my stomach. I have tried to take this all in stride believing that I am actually moving away from illness and toward health by participating in these endeavors.

Interestingly enough, as I move from illness to health, I am forced to consider what part my personal ego has to play in the creation of my illness. In the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle he writes:

The pain-body consists of trapped life-energy that has split off from you energy field and has temporarily become autonomous throught the unnatural process of mind identification. It has turned in on itself and become anti-life, like and animal trying to devour its own tail. Why do you think our civilization has become so life-destructive? But even the life-destructive forces are still life-energy.

When you start to dis-identify and become the watcher, the pain-body will continue to operate for a while and will try to trick you into identifying with it again. Although you are no longer energizing it through your identification, it has a certain momentum, just like spinning wheel that will keep turning for a while even when it is no longer being propelled. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains in different parts of the body, but they won't last. Stay present, stay conscious. Be the ever-alert guardian of your inner space. You need to be present enough to be able to watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control your thinking. The moment your thinking is aligned with the energy field of the pain-body, you are identified with it and again feeding it with your thoughts.

…Focus attention on feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it – don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher. This is the power of Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.

…The pain-body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence

In observing my body as it reacts to stress, I believe I have become addicted to illness as a coping mechanism to stress. I get stressed and thrust out of the Now and then react with a physical ailment that buys me time to consider what I really need to do. In the past 24 hours, I have had two major life issues to face. As I faced them I tried to stay present in my Now and I tried to focus my indestructible beingness on a compassionate response to the issues that had arisen. I really focused and in doing so found compassion AND I found boundaries. I found a way to lay down those boundaries free from anger and egoic responses. I made life altering decisions yesterday and did so from my center, my oneness, my beingness. There was a joy that was found in doing this that is truly indescribable. I think of these situations and fear, anxiety, irritation do not flow from me but joy and peace do. I think my ego and my pain-bodies are fighting back. Recently a wise man asked me if I was being psychically attacked and I agreed to begin to change some daily routines to try and stop the attacks that may be manifesting some of my illnesses.

Reading Tolle, I have learned that I am being psychically attacked from myself. My own pain-body and ego are fighting tooth and nail to continue to live and create drama, pain and suffering in my life. As I observe my ego and my pain-bodies, I get closer to the sense of peace and my mind clears a bit more. I am now learning to work with the body. How can I observe my own pain and see it as a separate phantom that is attacking me? How can I realize that my pain-bodies are so entrenched that they have manifested illness in me that is not really part of my body. It is part of mental tapes that have created illness in my body? How can I stop this pain and illness and reverse the damage done to my body?

I return to Tolle:

Ultimately, this is not about solving your problems. It's about realizing that there are no problems. Only situations – to be dealt with now, or to be left alone and accepted as part of the "isness" of the present moment until they change or can be dealt with. Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. They cannot survive in the actuality of the now.

All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

You may find it hard to recognize that time is the cause of your suffering or your problems. You believe that they are caused by specific situations in your life, and seen from a conventional view point, this is true. But until you have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind – its attachment to the past and future and denial of the now – problems are actually interchangeable.

It if it is the quality of your consciousness at this moment that determines the future, then what is it that determines the quality of the your consciousness? Your degree of presence. So the only place where true change can occur and where the past can be dissolved is the Now.

So any perceived problems I currently have are simply a rehashing of the same problem I have always had. Observe the problem and view it at a situation that either needs to be addressed or left alone until it can be addressed and suddenly you have decreased your stress level by 100 %. I have perceived illness which is really a manifestation of pain-bodies within me. As I observe these pain bodies and quiet my mind, keeping it out of future scenarios where everything goes wrong and keeping it out of past situations that lay a foundation for my belief that things are going to go wrong, I am in the Now and in the Now things are being worked on or waiting to be worked on, in either case, it is not something I have to worry about. As I feel pain, I can see the pain and try to find the feeling that the pain came with, then observe the situation and let the pain body go.

This happened 48 hours ago when someone I love, admire and care for with my soul disagreed with me. The next morning I was sick. As I observed my feelings throughout the day, I realized I was stuck in the past where when people disagree with me they don't love me anymore. As I observed the situation, my fever broke and I began to realize I was playing out future fears that this person wouldn't love me in the future if we were honest with each other and couldn't find agreement. I would lose her and my life would be devastated. However – this future is not NOW. So instead, I centered myself and read her emails as we began our discussion with compassion for her and myself. As I have done this I have lived in the Now and know that agreement or not, Family is more important than disagreement which means that compromise is the ultimate outcome of the situation. As I center myself, I know that love and joy of our relationship outstrips all other things and that that is the true beingness of our relationship. If we both work from that place, we will end the gap of misunderstanding and find ourselves closer than we have ever been outside of our collective pasts and denying any potential disastrous futures our minds can create. If we both work from being, then we both will be and the answer will manifest from the moment of our agreed upon love.

It was these realizations that lead me to be able to deal with the two sudden and horrible life challenges that came in the past 24 hours. This is why family spirituality can be so profound. Working in the context of unconditional love and living in a life of honest communication, you can reveal for each other what you need to learn doing so requires no formal training in spirituality. It requires Beingness. If you are being for your family, then you will radically change every person you come in contact within your family and without.