PUBLISHED!!!!

It is official. I have been published in a print magazine in my genre!

Go out today and pick up your copy of Circle Sanctuary Magazine or order at http://www.circlesanctuary.org/circle/ .

This was a bit unexpected. However, who cares? Thanks to Crystal T. and Annette for pointing this out to me. I ordered my copy today!

Dia

Illness

For the record I have been very ill. I have had three different infections. I have purchased new herbs and vitamins and am taking them with success. I haven’t been ignoring anyone or my duties, I have just been busy and ill.

By next week, I should be righted. Give me a call if you want. I am always open to gab!

Dia

Not Afraid and Not Ashamed

I have carefully considered why people blog. Is there some kind of exhibitionist in us that drives us to blogging? Or is the need deeper? Have we become so cut off from each other in truly intimate ways that we have turned to bearing our souls to any who would click a mouse?

I can’t answer this question for others. However, I can answer it for myself. I blog because I want the exposure as a writer. I am following the advice of every agent and author I have ever met.

I blog as a way to help other families see how one Family Coven works. To give a glimpse into the journey that Dragonstone Family Coven takes.

I blog to share my spiritual journey with others to help others feel like they aren’t alone or isolated in their struggles and that one other person at least has had some common experience.

There is much I do not blog about. I blog occasionally about my son, Tree Bear; however, I refrain from it has often as I can, largely because I do not want anyone to know the age, location or any information about him. Those who physically know me, talk to me on a daily basis, deal with me often, they know that Tree Bear is the first thing off my tongue and the last thing on my mind when I sleep.

Those people also know that as open as I appear on my blogs, that is simply my writing style and does not really betray my motives, my persona, my plans or myself. They are words on a page, carefully crafted, often run through an editor and deliberately placed on the Internet. There is nothing about it that I am ashamed of. There are far more blogs saved on disk that never see the light of day, than there are those that the public at large can view.

I think sometimes about people who seem to have the time to read a bunch of different blogs. I certainly don’t have time to Google everyone I know and locate their blogs to read. I read my close friends blogs upon occasion; however, I read more email that I do blogs, forums or other types of things.

It has certainly never occurred to me to read blogs by people I don’t agree with or particularly like. I once read a blog by an author where comment after comment was people who disagreed with him. I kept wondering why it was they were bothering to read him in the first place?

I decided that in lots of cases it is lack of a life. I don’t mean to sound harsh; however, seriously! If you are busy volunteering, working, supporting your family, doing laundry and pursuing your personal dreams and career, there isn’t a lot of time to read blogs and hate the people who write them. In fact, if your day is taken up reading blogs of people you don’t agree with or like, I feel sorry for you. It is pathetic that you choose to lead your life in that manner.

We are what we fill ourselves up with, so maybe there is an upside here. Maybe if you read a bunch of blogs then the energy of those blogs are somewhere at work in your heart and soul, even if you think they aren’t. Can you be inoculated against positive energy? Is it possible for hatred and anger and irrational thinking to be so ensconced that you are not affected by the honest ramblings about love peace and the struggle for both in someone’s life? I don’t think so.

So for those of us who blog – Never blog in anger, and never put to the Internet anything your would be ashamed of. To those who read blogs – especially mine – know that I am not afraid of anything you might read and I am not ashamed. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. I pray that soon you find peace and a life that is filled up with your own journey and not just someone else’s.

Too Long

It has been too long since I have posted. Stone has finally gotten a new job that he will start on Monday. There have been other dramas that fall under "not going to blog about." Tree Bear has been exceptionally sick the past two weeks and has required a lot of my time and attention. I did some spell work this week that seems to be bringing our house back into order.

I am still struggling with the shock I recieved about two months ago. I keep hoping one day I will wake up over it and it hasn't happened. I don't know what to do really. I am lost and unsure of myself.

Tony Crabtree, CoG & Cub Scouts

A lot has been happening around here. Most of which I will not be blogging about. Some changes, however, warrant a little information.

My husband, Tony Crabtree aka Lord Stone Dragonstone is the FREAKIN' BOMB! When I went to marry for the second time I really wanted a provider. I am not saying that I couldn't provide for myself and my son. I could. I am saying that what I am called to do doesn't necessarily make a lot of money. When reading Psychic Self-Defense by Dion Fortune, she related how you can spot a spiritual teacher. One of the things to look for was a person who was unemployed and provided for by another person. I thought she was crazy at the time; however, since I have come to see why she would say that.

Tony is my "other person." Recently, he made the decision to go out and find another job. There are mitigating circumstances which prompted him to start his search. That information falls under "not going to blog about." So he started making phone calls. He had three interviews Tuesday (Schedule to coincide with the Full Moon), two today and one next week. Over half of these interviews have come from people who heard he was looking to change his position and called him to schedule. I am so proud of the reputation my husband has in his industry. I really believe he is the best example I know of what a Husband Priest and Father Priest should be. People have come to respect who he is, what he stands for and what he does. His years of dedication to his industry has gotten him media recognition this year and I can tell his success is just beginning. I count myself bless by the God and Goddess that I get to partner with such an incredible human being.

While Tony is doing all of this, he continues to work for his current employer. He comes home and sees to Tree Bear and myself and then sneaks back into his office to get work done that his interviews interfered with. Some people would be doing just enough to get by, not my man. He is worried about leaving this company prepared to go forward without him, as much as he can.

Despite all this going on, he calls me every day on his commute home and wants an update about my day, what I did, what is going on with FWTI and our extended Dragonstone Family Coven. He asks about what issues are hot with the Board of Directors and if there are emails he should specifically look out for. He does all this with a commitment to loving care. He communicates with restraint and control and he loves me and Tree Bear unconditionally. He also volunteers with the Scouts as the Den Leader. Directing the energy of the Assistant Den Leaders, boys and parents. His ideas will change the program this year. He does all this and the dinner dishes too.

I often joke with people and say, "Didn't you know? Tony walks on water!" Truth is, my life without this man would be something all together different. If I were to ever point to a "Savior," I would point to the body of his Priest, Stone Dragonstone. I just thought I would praise him publicly.

Speaking of Scouting, I have been working with Tree Bear on his Religious Emblem award. The Covenant of the Goddess has created and maintains the Over the Moon, the Heart and Crescent and the Distinguished Youth Services awards. They have saved me a lot of time and trouble and I found them just after Tree Bear dedicated to the path
of Earth Based Practice. I am very grateful. The cool thing is these awards can be given to any child who fulfills the requirements. The
are great for Family Covens, traditional groups of covens, Spiral Scouts or even as a program at a festival. Check it out!

I have spent the last week knee deep in Cub Scouting. Tree Bear is a Webelos this year and the requirements and program is significantly increased. However, I am really excited about this year. We have a new Cub Master who has planned some previously un-taken trips for the boys. He even got the Mayor to visit my den to help us meet a requirement. I have arranged to have a police officer visit, started to arrange a meeting where a ham radio club comes and shows the boys that hobby, and written the next two months of meeting agendas. With the help of our other Assistant Den Leader, I think we are going to be the best Den ever! I love scouting.

Now that scouting is done, I can refocus on other neglected things. I had a disturbing thing happen a while back and I have taken time to bury myself in Scouting as a way to get perspective. I don't know that I have perspective yet. However, I know that I feel better in general about things. Time will tell, as it always does. At the very least, however, you guys should finally get replies to your emails.

This was written in response to the question: What is abuse?

Abuse is in some ways relative. Relative to the social environment someone lives in, to a person’s beliefs and perceptions and is affected by frequency and emotional damage done to others. Abusive is also relative to permission or allowance.

Social Environment:
Westerners would consider the ways that men or women are treated in some places abuse. Just like the White Man saw the American Indians as savages upon meeting them because they didn’t wear “proper clothing.” In Muslim countries women are required to present themselves modestly, covering their head, hair and bodies to varying degrees. I am sure that many women here would see that at the least as unnecessary and at most abusive and stifling of those woman. However, would they see it that way? Sure some do and choose to leave if they can. However, others stay and continue to exist in these situations. So should the Muslim way of life be perceived as abusive?

Person’s Beliefs and Perceptions
Well, it would depend on the beliefs and perceptions of the people involved wouldn’t? Some Muslim women do not mind, others are forward thinking feminist Muslims and others leave, feeling emotionally and mentally abused.

Allowance & Permission
Those women who willingly believe God ordains this treatment are not going to see their situation as abusive. They have given their hearts and spirit over and by doing so given permission for some of the treatment they receive.

Frequency, Emotional-Phyiscal-Mental Damage Done to Others
Despite that, even those women would see being physically beaten as abuse. Forced sexual intercourse in many Muslims countries is punishable by death; I think AJ pointed that out a while back. AJ also pointed out that despite this, those laws were rarely used because of the social perception of women in those countries.

Already we can begin to see how complex this issue can be.

In the West, these issues get easier and harder to define. In our well-kept lives of computers, televisions, radios, food, shelter and opportunity, abuse becomes something that happens in stark contrast to the surroundings in which it occurs. When a beating occurs, those who observe say: Why? Doesn’t he have food? Doesn’t she have shelter? Doesn’t he have a job? Why is this necessary? What stress is it that causes this behavior? So we see abuse and easily define it as such in contrast to the social environment we live in, making abuse easier to identify,

However, abuse here is also harder to define. Knowing that beatings, rapes and other forms of overt abuse are not socially acceptable, we have found new ways to abuse each other that hide under a banner of acceptance. I once had a lover who told me, “Jeez, there just words, Dia, lighten up.”

In anger, he had told me to get out of bed and sleep with the dogs, in their bed. Unsure of what to do, I went and slept on the couch. My lover was never a violent man and he didn’t stop me. Later when I broke up with him and sited that moment as the beginning of the end, he told me he hadn’t really “meant” it and I was “over reacting.”

So who is right here? Was he abusive? Not from his perspective, his perception.

I think a good definition, therefore is this: Abuse is an action perpetrated through physical acts and verbal communication that brings harm to another being.

That said, it doesn’t mean that every abuser is going to see their words or actions as abusive. There are plenty who are going to put off the results of their behavior on others. It also means that some people are more sensitive than others and will perceive abuse in places others won’t.

So what is the solution?
Well, the physical laws of a government help us define abuse to some extent. I also believe there are some forms of abuse that should be obvious (rape, child molestation, physical beatings, unrelenting verbal abuse and/or explosive abuse that is less frequent and significantly more violent). By speaking out against these things, we raise awareness and through peer pressure decreasing the likelihood that they will occur by increasing the public shame associated with these acts. We also speak out to encourage law enforcement to continue to arrest and punish perpetrators and do things to help victims find shelter and safety.

Outside of this, you, personally, must set your boundaries. You must determine, for yourself and your family, what behavior is abusive. Then you must decide how to confront that behavior and deal with those who perpetrate it.

After you have set and learned to tend your personal boundaries, you should learn to communicate. I recommend a book called Fierce Conversation by Susan Scott. This book talks about-facing difficult problems and people in such a way that solutions are created versus drama. However, Scott makes it clear that this is only possible by really knowing and understanding yourself and what motivates you. I read this book about once a year doing all the exercises. It will help you consider your boundaries and practice a form of communication that will get you heard.

Passion without self-control is a fire that destroys and maims. Controlled burns rejuvenate lands and hearts and minds leaving room for growth and life. Maybe it is the Southern in me that has learned to find ways to communicate where the message is plain and the delivery is as gentle and firm, like a good ladder back chair in my grandmother’s kitchen. When you learn to walk in this way, you will never be accused of being abusive. Of course, you might get accused of being a fluffy bunny or of being “soft” or “peace loving.”

I challenge anyone to live a life of self-control where you practice bringing a point to bear with the discipline and precision of a surgeon’s knife versus the broad stroke of a battle-axe. Surgeons heal. Axes kill, maim and bread hate. Haven’t centuries of war taught us this much? Anyone can wield a battle-axe and bring damage and harm. Not m

Politics & Witch Wars, Growth

This past week has been one of revelations, new friendships, trials and exposure. Lots of people who have never heard of FWTI or myself, personally, have stumbled across my blog, read my entries and gotten to know me back list away from the din of political wrangling.

However, all of this new, intense attention caused a Dragonstone Family Coven member to point out that none of these new eyes actually know me. It was suggested the time might be ripe for an introduction.

First thing you should know is I hate politics and witch wars. I have never seen any good come out of either. That being said, I am politically active. Last Presidential election, my son and I drove voters to the polls all day. I held signs espousing my various opinions. In fact, I have held a lot of signs at rallies and taken a lot of stances on various issues of one kind or another.

Obviously, I do not shy away from an opinion just because it might be controversial. My mother tells people I was born with soap boxes on my feet as a point of explanation.

However, I do hate politics and witch wars because the din they cause is confusion. The issues get reduced into who is cool or right at the moment and who is the nerd or wrong at the moment. It becomes about people personally, not the actions that they do. It is the action after all that tends to be harmful. I hate politics because it reminds me of high school and college. It was never about an issue that mattered just about the specific kind of nastiness humans can create when they are ruled by judgment of others. Here I am well over thirty years old and still the old nastiness survives.

Currently there is a knock down drag out witch war occurring between AJ Drew and The Frosts. It has degenerated into name calling, back stabbing and basically the best damn soap opera going. It certainly has kept lots of people glued to their computer screens reading the latest blogs and gleefully snickering at the cheap shots and insinuations being flung about like monkey poo. While we watch the poo fly, once again the focus is being detracted from the victims and innocent, the real issues are abandoned.

I abhor child molesters, rapists and abusers of all kinds. I have a degree in psychology and have spent hundreds of hours of my life with battered women and adult survivors of incest. My hatred of people teaching others how to become a pedophile or justify any form of pedophilia far out dates the past few weeks. My manuscripts first chapter gives specific examples I have personally had within the Neo-Pagan community regarding sexual misconduct disguising itself as Earth Based Spirituality. My disgust is generated by the physical, emotional and mental destruction these acts cause.

If you want to know what makes this a hot button issue, go and sit with a woman whose parent infected her with HIV or who was forced to face abortion issues because of her pregnancy by her father. Sit with adult children who struggle with parenting today because of the mental, physical or emotional abuse they endured at the hands of their own family. The statistics tell me that if you were to choose to sit with someone who had had these experiences one out of five of the women and one out of seven or eight of the men would be sitting alone, contemplating their own pain, their own private horrors typically unseen by others and never spoken of.

What makes this even more horrifying is that we are talking about ritualistic abuse. Abuse conceived, planned and purposefully carried out in the name of Goddess and God. In the name of Gaia, our mother, in the name of Great Spirit, our Sky Father, in the names of Isis, Adonis, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna, Morrigan, Cerridwen, Freya, Shakty, Hauthor, Rhiannon, Raya, Mach, in the names of these blessed and Holy Goddesses, young girls are laid down, molested, given over to intercourse by adults who have been charged with their psychological and physical development and well being.

I believe there are few who read this that are not mortified by that. I don't think that many who have disassociated themselves from AJ Drew would believe that this behavior is right, good or healthy. It is hard, though, to focus on these smallest victims when insults are being hurled left and right. It is hard to take a stance when there is a feeling of a Witch Hunt atmosphere in the air.

I understand. The real issue can quickly get lost in the din of political maneuvering.

However - don't throw out this issue! Look at your own children and think about the root issues at work here. You know adults who have been pressured to have sex for "spiritual" reasons. One of the women I most admired was raped as her first degree initiation, a scar that she has spent years recovering from. She was an adult when this occurred, not some small child whose social and psychological development is on going. I am not foolish enough to think she is some unusual occurrence.

We have an opportunity to grow beyond ourselves. To raise above the poo flinging and into a higher level of consciousness and behavior. We can say: Of course we despise pedophiles and any publication that gives written instructions on how to carry out such acts. AND while that is true, it is also true that name calling, belittling and bullying have never actually won any fights worth fighting. Think carefully about how people like Jim Jones and Charles Mansion won over converts. Think about how when you isolate people you make them vulnerable to the very predators you are trying to keep them from.

I do not believe a rejection of one group of poor behaviors is an acceptance of another group of poor behaviors.