I have been unusually quiet the past few weeks (ok, more like the past month). I thought I would blog and reconnect with readers and those who seem to take an interest in what is going on in my world.
My body has revolted. In doing so my body has given up my appendix and gall bladder in the name of getting my attention. Typically I could bombard you with funny stories about the hospital or touching ones about the things my Family Coven learned during this time period (See Modern Witch Magazine Lughnasadh issue for more on this). I think, however, I would like to address something else that is prevalent among witches, Wiccans, Neo-Pagans and those who classify themselves as "Other" in the religious category.
My name is Lydia M. Crabtree and I have only bought into 50% of my power as a witch. I believe I have the power to banish harm from my Family Coven. I believe I can manifest things under certain circumstances. However, when it comes to things that really matter – my health – my finances – circumstances that I have deemed beyond my control – these things are beyond my power – they are 50% beyond my ability as a witch. My name is Lydia M. Crabtree and I am half a witch.
I have jokingly announced to close Family Coven members that my Spirit and Body got together and have officially over ruled my mind. They have decided that I deserved the pain of two surgeries in as many weeks and the continued uncomfortable aftermaths of messing with your bowel system. The truth is, it is no joke. Laying in a hospital bed recovering from yet another surgery where a surgeon has removed polluted body parts that no longer functioned, I had to wonder how a witch – who believes in the power of transmutation – who believed and knew The Secret before the video and book – got into this situation?
Then I got to thinking about the other things in my life that are at 50% currently. What is it that I lack that has caused these horrible gaps in my magic? I have identified a few that I am dealing with now; however, I suspect that this journey is one that is going to take longer than I would like. My first problem, is I have bought into some societal lies told to me to help support commercialism.
Holistic healers will tell you, sometimes you need to have a fever and NOT take medication to stop it. The fever, as uncomfortable as it is, is doing a job. I, however, have singlehandedly supported the Ibuprophen, Acedominephine drug companies in the name of a little less discomfort versus letting nature – the thing as a witch I am suppose to be tuned into – take its course. I can recall my Sword Sister calling me with a cold and tell me she was sweating out the virus with blankets and hot tea of some healing nature and being appalled at how much trouble she would go to when the drug companies have made it so easy for us. Looking back, I think my gall bladder might have preferred I took a more holistic approach.
The problem is, I have bought into this idea that there are things that are in the realms of magic and things that are out of the realms. Things that magic can control and change and things that magic cannot. I have bought into a societal lie that I am LIMITED. No wonder my body is confused. I step into circle and draw down the power of the Goddess into my temple – a temple I abuse regularly with processed foods, unnecessary drugs, and refined sugars – and wonder why the dichotomy cannot exist. Why complete holiness cannot be tolerated in a body, mind and spirit that is only 50% committed to the magic a Goddess can do.
Then I got to thinking about my marriage to my wonderful husband – Stone. When he and I mentally, spiritually and physically are in unison – the world stops and obeys, the universe turns and moves in the direction that we command. In our lives the portions of our lives that are completely out of balance are the ones we are not in harmony over. My husband has been trying to get me to take a more holistic and healthy approach to my body for years and for years, I have rejected his wisdom. Conversely, I have been trying to convince him that the universe will take care of every financial need we could conceive if he would only believe that the universe was infinite in it's ability to care for us. And for years, he has held on to the idea that we are financially limited and struggle and money are a fact of life we must bow to.
So this week I went to Stone and admitted I was wrong. I agreed to follow his lead when it came to holistic healing. He has found a wonderful healer to see and begin addressing his issues and I have agreed to give up refined sugar, soda and as much processed foods as possible. He is elated at this turn of events and challenged by me to begin to examine his views around money and bring them closer to my view that the universe wants us to live in wealth and we simply have to claim it to own it. I am convinced that once we are of one mind when it comes to health and wealth – we will finally own both.
These are hard habits to break, deeply engrained in my psyche and a part of the life that I am trying to shake off. I have also begun to see the mind spirit connection between illnesses and the spiritual issues I thought I had addressed. It is humbling to think that these issues are still there locked in the DNA of my body and kept there by a mind too stubborn to let go.
I firmly believe that I have become successfully with a 50% commitment to the magic I believe in. Now my challenge is to become devoted to 100% of the magic the universe has to offer me. My name is Lydia M. Crabtree and I am 100% magic…or at least working on it.
